


Raindrops and Teardrops

by Kingpin



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Consoling, Crying, Frustration, Idiots in Love, M/M, One-Shot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-season 7, Season/Series 07 Spoilers, adashi, difficult admissions, happiness, klance, okay to cry, pre-Season 8, season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 06:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16213775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kingpin/pseuds/Kingpin
Summary: A few weeks have passed since Team Voltron defeated the Altean-powered robeast, and saved the Earth, and Lance is still coming to terms with the events he's lived through... And the feelings it's stirred up.





	Raindrops and Teardrops

Lance wasn’t sure his insides were working properly anymore.  He’d been sat in the window of his temporary Garrison quarters, staring out of the transparent aluminum as the first rain he’d seen since returning to Earth pebbled and rivuleted the surface.  The sight, something he’d longed to see and feel for so long had brought him to tears.

He’d expected to be happy when he got to experience rain again, and maybe he was… But why did it also seem so damn sad?

The tears had eventually subsided and he’d stayed there, absorbed in the natural phenomena that so reminded him of home.  He’d eventually given in, pushing the window open so he could stick his hand out of the gap and into the precipitation.  He embraced the cool wet as it dampened his skin.

Sitting there, knowing he was back home, knowing he was alive, knowing they would have to journey back into the stars in order to fight what the Galra Empire had become, knowing that they could’ve died fighting the latest robeast, and they may still die in missions to come… It’d left him with a lot to digest, and even more things that churned around in his head, leading the Blue Paladin to feel that his feelings and his mind weren’t working the way they used to.

A restless energy began to take hold of Lance’s limbs, making him less relaxed and content to just stay by the window.  There was a thought circulating that he couldn’t squash, couldn’t avoid… And if he was going to be stuck with it, maybe he could talk to someone about it.

* * *

“Hey guys, anyone seen Shiro around?”

Pidge and Hunk looked up from the workbench they’d been sat at.  They’d already been busy spending the last several hours dissecting some of the technology from the robeast, and had been providing technical notes to a team of Garrison engineers and scientists.

“I haven’t seen him in, like, _so many_ hours.” Pidge responded unhelpfully.

“I think he’s in a briefing with Iverson, Commander Holt, Allura, and a few others of the senior staff.” Hunk chimed in.

“Oh.” Lance nodded.

“Something wrong, buddy?” The Yellow Paladin leant forward towards his friend.

The tanned man made a dismissive wave of his hand.  "Nothing… Really.  I just wanted his advice on something.“

"You want us to tell him you’re looking for him?” The Hacker asked.

“Nah, I’ll find him when he’s free.”

* * *

The restlessness had briefly returned during the hour Lance had paced and sat beside the door to Shiro’s own temporary quarters, but his patience was rewarded as their battle-scarred leader appeared in the junction of the corridor, said something to a lower-ranking member of the Garrison staff, and watched as they disappeared.  Turning towards his quarters, Shiro’s face broke into a smile.

“Lance!  Sorry if I kept you waiting, the briefing overran.”

Lance effortlessly pushed himself up the metal bulkhead.  "Waiting?  Pshaw, I just got here.“

Shiro nodded as he approached his door.  "Did you want to talk about something?”

The weird feeling from early began to return to Lance’s being.  "Yeah, y'know… Only if you’ve got the time to fit me in.  Important Garrison stuff, and all that.“

Shiro flashed a warm smile.  "I’ve always got time for you guys.” He tapped the pass code into the glowing number pad, and the door sprung open.  "Please, come in.“

* * *

This was the first time Lance had seen Shiro’s quarters, and he took it in as the older man settled a bag of briefing materials and data pads down beside his desk.  There were a couple of plastic boxes full of what looked like personal items still waiting to be sorted, but one item Lance did spot, perched on Shiro’s desk, was a photograph of a man with glasses.

Adam.

Lance had learned about Adam Wyle following the Garrison memorial ceremony, from conversations with some of the staff, and from some info relayed from Keith via Hunk and Pidge.  He hadn’t known that Shiro had almost gotten married before he’d signed up for the Kerberos mission.  He’d also not been aware of Shiro’s condition prior to being captured by the Galra.

"Take a seat.” Shiro gestured towards a recessed couch that was set into the wall.  He settled down amongst the cushions at one end.  "Would you like anything to drink?“

"Got any Space Juice?” Lance asked, a smile that was possibly a bit forced on his face.

“Fresh out I’m afraid.” Shiro smiled apologetically.  "Would Ramune be okay?  It’s lemon and lime.“

"Sounds good.” Lance nodded.  Shiro extracted a pair of bottles from a mini fridge, and  decanted some of it into a metal mug emblazoned with the Garrison insignia.  He handed the mug and open bottle to the Blue Paladin.

“Drinking from the bottle for the first time is a little tricky.” The grey-haired man explained, he settled down on the opposite end of the couch.

Lance took a sip of the clear liquid, and hummed appreciatively.  "I can’t remember the last time I had anything like lemonade.“

"The guys working the hydroponics labs are hoping to have a crop of fresh fruit and vegetables ready in about a month.  There’s also some talk about preparing a space for cattle so we might be able to produce milk, cheese…” He trailed off.

“Kalternecker could probably help.  She’s probably one of the healthiest cows in a hundred-mile radius.”

“Probably closer to five-hundred.” Shiro nodded.  "If you’re happy to allow Kalternecker to be put to use, I think they’d really appreciate the head start.“

"We’re working for something bigger than milkshakes.” Lance smirked.

Shiro nodded.  "Thanks Lance, it’ll really help.“ He took a sip from his bottle of Ramune.  "I kinda get the feeling that you didn’t really come here to talk about food, though.”

Lance fought against the shift in his demeanor, but it ultimately won-out.  His gaze trailed down to the coffee table, and the fidgetiness returned.  "I… I’ve been thinking a lot about the last battle.  How we could’ve died because of how tough that robeast was.  It’s… Stirred up a lot of stuff in me.“

Shiro leant forward. "That’s only natural.  A near-death experience can do that to us.”

“But why now?  After everything we’ve been through?  Why not after we fought Zarkon, or Naxzela, or when the Teleduv nearly blew up?  We’ve nearly died dozens of times, why is this time different?”

“I think… Maybe we just haven’t had the time to properly sit down consider things before.  After pretty much every instance you’ve mentioned, we’ve had to quickly turn our attention back to the war with the Galra.  This is the first time we’ve actually got a chance to _really_ take stock and see how it’s affected us.”

The point stuck Lance like walking out of a warm house into a freezing-cold morning.  Here he was, complaining about his own problems to the very poster-boy for P.T.S.D.: Diagnosed with a terminal illness, kidnapped by aliens, forced to fight in a gladiator ring, escaped to get back to Earth, went back to space and joined a science ninja robotic lion team, fought his captors, fought the emperor of his captors, literally died and was then reborn.  Not to mention he had lost his arm twice now.

What the fuck was Lance thinking?  Compared to Shiro, his life was rainbows and candy.

“I… I think I better get going…” He muttered and pushed himself away from the couch.

“Lance!  Wait!” Shiro moved quickly to intercept.  "What’s wrong?“

Lance shrugged.  "I just realized that I’m whining about nothing to someone who has had, like, _literally_ everything bad happen to him.”

Shiro’s face fell.  "Is that what you really think?  That what you’re experiencing is less important?“

Lance didn’t give a verbal response, but the flash of a half-hearted smile was answer enough.

"Lance, what you’ve gone through isn’t any less important just because it’s not everything I’ve gone through.  Stress, grief… They affect us in different ways.  Are you seeing the staff therapist to talk about what you’re feeling?”

“No.” Lance shrugged.

Shiro processed that answer.  "C'mon, let’s sit back down.“

The two men resumed their spots sat at opposite couch-ends from each other.  "I’ve been seeing the therapist for about a week now, to help me with my P.T.S.D.  I think it’s going well, but we’re just getting started.  We’re talking about three years of stuff to get through… Or six if you adjust for time-travel.  I’d like for you to schedule an appointment when you feel comfortable.”

Lance nodded weakly.  "I will.“

The older man offered a friendly smile.  "I think it will do you a lot of good to get things off your chest.  I… I think that maybe sometimes you keep things bottled up, and that isn’t good for any of us in the long run.”

Lance let out a breath.  "Yeah.“ He nodded.  "I guess I have…”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Shiro asked.

“I do.  I…” He shook his head in frustration.  "How am I going to tell you when I haven’t been able to explain it to myself?“

"Just give it your best shot, sharpshooter.” Shiro smiled encouragingly.  "Start from the beginning and take as much time as you need, I don’t have anywhere I need to be.“

Lance made a scoffing sound, it wasn’t his usual level of amusement, but it seemed a good sign.  "Oh come on, you’re Shiro!  Hero of the Garrison!  You fought a robeast while controlling a badass giant robot-ship and once again cleaned Sendak’s clock.  You must have tones of meetings that you need to attend.”

“Yeah, well… I might do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make time for Team Voltron… For my friends.  And when it came down to it, it was Keith who ensured Sendak would no longer be a threat.”

The smile on Lance’s face softened, it might even have been sentimental.  He took a breath, and began: “How did you know when you were in love?”

Shiro’s eyes widened for a moment, and he then adopted a thoughtful expression.  His brow relaxed, and his lips curved into a fond smile.  "It creeps up on you.  It’s not like a crush where you’re head-over-heels the moment you see someone.  Real love burrows into you, and often you don’t even realize it until suddenly you have this moment of epiphany.“

Shiro leant a little closer.  "You start to notice little things about them, body language and behavior we usually pick up subconsciously… How they tap their fingers when they’re thinking, or suddenly brighten up when their favorite music starts playing.  You might notice how they smile, or that they get more expressive when they’re talking about something they’re passionate about.  You’ll probably also find yourself spending more and more time with them… And thinking about then when they aren’t there.”

Lance nodded slowly, he thought he knew what Shiro was talking about.  "How did you know you loved Adam?“

Shiro’s expression briefly returned to thoughtful, and his gaze travelled across to the photograph on the desk.  His face settled on something that looked like fond nostalgia.  "I think I realized I was in love with him the moment I saw him after a long day of training.  He’d been flying for hours, spending… At most ten minutes on the ground between sessions… It was the end of the day.  He was in his flightsuit, his hair a mess and almost certainly smelling a little ripe, yet he had all the time in the world for the cadets and the questions they were asking him.  He was great with them… And it was then that I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him…”

Lance wanted to ask more about Adam, but he was now feeling very conscious about the feelings he was probably stirring up in the Black Paladin.

“Have you ever fallen in love with someone you hated?”

Shiro looked surprised for a moment, before he broke into relaxed laughter.  "Maybe.  Adam and I had a bit of a rocky start when we first met… Typical alpha male fighter pilot stuff, it’d make for a bad romantic comedy… It’s nothing like the kind or rivalry between two people I happen to know.“

And there it was, the elephant in the room.

Shiro’s expression was sympathetic.  "We can save this for another time if it’s getting too uncomfortable to talk about.”

Lance avoided Shiro’s gaze again.  "I want to talk about it… There’s just this part of me that doesn’t feel it’s real, and that if I say it out loud, it’ll make it _real_.  Hating him just seemed so easy compared to this.“

The grey-haired man nodded.  "If I had to be completely honest with you, I don’t think you’ve ever actually hated him.  I think you felt a little intimidated by his skill, and because he didn’t respond to you the way you expected… Or the way most other people did, and that got under your skin.  I figure Keith was a little… Pardon the choice of words… ‘Alien’… To your experiences, and he became this sort of puzzle that you had to solve.”

Lance nodded.  "I was hung up on him, wasn’t I?“

"And because you were having difficulty working out how Keith ticked, it made you frustrated, and that fed back into your growing resentment of him, and that grew into your rivalry.”

“My one-sided rivalry.  He barely remembered me when we met.”

“I think he did notice you back then, I think he actually mentioned you a couple of times before I left… Though maybe not by name.”  Shiro mulled on that thought.  "I think things would’ve gone differently between you two had I not left for Kerberos and been captured by the Galra.  I think you two would’ve reached some sort of understanding.“

Lance huffed in amusement.  "Yeah, probably over hating James.”

Shiro smirked.  "Maybe.  But for what it’s worth, I think that because you’ve both become Paladins, you’ve reached a better place than if you’d never left the Garrison.  I think the both of you have grown closer to each other, even if the arguments and the bad memories from your days as Juniors have gotten in the way.“

Lance nodded, a half-smile playing on his lips.  "We don’t argue as much as we used to.”

“Hunk also mentioned something as well… He said that while you and the others were trapped in some sort of… 'cosmic game show’… You said something about Keith being 'the future’?”

“Hunk!” Lance protested, his cheeks flushing.

“Talk to me, Lance.”

The Blue Paladin pouted.  "It was just something I said in the moment.“

Shiro favored him with a dubious look.  Lance let out a puff of air and ran a hand through his hair.

"Alright, fine… He’s our leader, which he is… And he’s been a lot better at being a leader now since he spent those two years out of time with his Mom.  Maybe that’s one of reasons we’re getting on better now… Like… Having to wait all that time’s made him more patient?  And… Maybe he’s going to help bring humans and Galra together in peace because he comes from both cultures?  Maybe he’s who they need as a leader… Not murdering tyrants like Zarkon or murdering nutjobs like Lotor…”

Shiro was quiet for a few minutes as he absorbed Lance’s rambling, but heartfelt train of thought.

“Does he know any of that?”

“He knows about the 'he’s the future’ stuff… And do you know what he said after I said that?  Nothing!  Instead he said he didn’t want to be stuck with me!”

Shiro looked sympathetic.  "Keith… Isn’t delicate or diplomatic about what he says.“

"Ooooooh, _there’s_ a surprise!”

Shiro looked thoughtful.  "Still, he picked you out of all the others.“

”…..Yeah.“ Lance conceded.

"I don’t think his choice was as spiteful as it might’ve looked.  He could’ve picked Pidge, Hunk or Allura.  Instead… He chose you.”

“Maybe…” The Blue Paladin grumpily acknowledged.  He suddenly looked inquisitive.  "Wait… Are you trying to tell me something?“

Shiro shook his head with a smile.  "I’m just saying that what he said maybe wasn’t what he really meant.”

Lance’s face looked contemplative.  "I know I’d messed up earlier in that game show, but I didn’t think I’d pissed him off _that_ badly.  Before that we’d gotten on a lot better than that.“

"And how have things been since the game show?”

“About the same, better than they used to be.”

Shiro nodded.  "From what I’ve seen since I got back, you’ve both been working better together as teammates during battle, and getting along much better when we haven’t been fighting the Galra, or someone else picking a fight with us.  I think you’ve reached a new understanding.“

"Maybe.” Lance nodded.

Shiro considered his next point.  "Why did you come looking for me?“

Lance looked surprised.  "You’ve been in love… I don’t think I have….  I don’t know, you seemed like the best person to ask.”

Shiro nodded.  "I understand that, but why are you asking me now?  You could’ve asked me once we’d beaten the Galra, or as soon as we’d returned to Earth.“

"Oh.” Lance realized.  "I guess… Almost dying but not… I’m starting to realize there’s stuff I want to do and say while I’m still here to say it…“

"And you’ve been thinking about Keith a lot recently?”

Lance nodded.  "Yeah.“

"Would you like to know what I think?”

Lance nodded again.

“I think you’ve survived one of our toughest ordeals… You’re grateful that you’ve survived… And I think you’re grateful Keith survived too.  I think you realize how close you came to losing Keith, and it’s helped you realize what you feel about him.”

Lance shifted uncomfortably on the opposite sofa.  "Maybe.“

Shiro leant forward, and tugged one of Lance’s hands into his.  "One of the greatest regrets I’ll always have is letting Adam go… And never being able to tell him I’m sorry, or that I still loved him.  Don’t make the same mistake I made.”

Lance nodded in understanding.  There was the telltale wetness of tears at the edges of his eyes.

“Tell Keith how you feel.  He may not like you the same way you do, but he cares for you… Even if he doesn’t show it.”

Lance set the bottle he’d been holding down and wiped at his eyes quickly.  "I will.“ He quickly got up from the recessed couch and made his way to the door.

"Lance?”

The Blue Paladin skidded to a stop.

“My door’s always open if you need to talk about anything.”

Lance offered him a shaky smile.  "Thanks, Shiro.“

The older man nodded.  "Good luck.”

* * *

Lance found Keith sparring in the Garrison gym, dressed in boxing boots, gym shorts and a black tank top.  Lance quietly chuckled to himself at how typical it was.  He then paused as it occurred to him this was one of the things he almost knew on instinct about Keith, one of the best ways for him to calm down was to slice and dice things with his bayard.

Although in this instance, the raven-haired teenager was cutting arcs through empty air.

Lance watched for a bit, wondering if Keith was finding the exercises anywhere near as calming as he did when he went through them on the Castle.  Chopping air, no matter how energetic he went about it, had to be a pale imitation to the gladiator droids and floating sentries.

For a time, Lance was happy to just watch Keith sparring.  There were no complications when Keith was training, no confused feelings, bickering banter, sudden departures for the Blade of Marmora, or even the Galra.  There was just Keith, his katar, and an incredible finesse that regardless of everything else, Lance was always a little bit in awe of.

The Red Paladin chopped the air one last time, and dropped to a crouch.  
He rose to stand, skin flushed and hair dampened by sweat, the black curls clinging to his forehead.

In that moment, the Blue Paladin was reminded of what Shiro had said about Adam:

_It was the end of the day.  He was in his flightsuit, his hair a mess and almost certainly smelling a little ripe, yet he had all the time in the world for the cadets and the questions…_

There weren’t any cadets for Keith to mentor, but it didn’t matter.  He was a literal hot mess, yet Lance still felt himself drawn to him.

There was a flash of blue as Keith’s katar shifted back into its default bayard configuration, and he turned towards the door.  Surprise flashed on his face as he registered Lance.

“Oh, hey.”

Lance steeled his resolve, and tried to act casual and cross the room with his usual languid pace.  "Hey man, how’s it going?“

Keith shrugged.  "Training, trying to get back into routine.  We need to be ready to head back out there once the Lions have been recharged.”

Lance settled down on the end of a weight bench.  "C'mon Keith, you’re allowed to take some personal time.  You… Me… The others… That thing nearly killed us.  We need some time to recharge.“

"I spent some time with my Mom a few days ago… And I was with Shiro yesterday.”

Lance leveled a flat look at Keith.  "You went with your mom to see your Dad’s grave, and you hung out with Shiro at a briefing session with Kolivan and the Mamorites.  When was the last time you actually got your chill on with someone?  With Hunk and Pidge, or Matt, or Allura?“

Keith looked uncertain.  "I… Can’t really remember.”

Lance pushed himself off the weight bench.  "Okay then, first thing you’re gonna do is take a break.“ He slung an arm over Keith’s shoulder.  A moment later, his nose wrinkled.  "Okay, maybe first thing you’ll do is grab a shower, second thing you do is take a break.”

“That _was_ the plan.” Keith huffed.

“But… Hey, before you do that, I need to talk to you about something.” Lance let his arm slip off of Keith’s shoulder, and he stepped in front of him.

“Lance…”

“Please, just hear me out okay?  This is important.” Keith folded his arms across his chest, a quizzical brow raised.  "Something kept bugging me those couple of weeks we were in the hospital, something that I was kinda afraid to admit to myself until I talked to Shiro about it.“ Lance laughed dryly at himself.  "I think he figured things out deca-phoebs ago.”

“What did Shiro figure out?”

Lance tugged one of Keith’s hands away and into his own, the raven-haired man frowned in confusion.  Lance swallowed to keep his throat clear.

“That I’m falling for you.  I think I might be falling in love with you.”

Keith looked at Lance as if he had suddenly turned purple and gotten yellow eyes.  "Very funny Lance.“ He pulled his hand free and side-stepped Lance so he could head towards the gym exit.

The Blue Paladin gaped.  He took off to catch up with his teammate.

"I’m not joking Keith!” He shouted, and there must’ve been something in his voice that caused the Red Paladin to halt his departure.  Keith hovered by the door, uncertain.  "Look, I know I’ve done and said a lot of stupid stuff in front of you… And I’ve been a bit of a dick about this whole 'rivalry’ thing.“

"You had the rivalry.” Keith pointed out.

Lance made a frustrated noise.  "I know, I know.  It was all me because I was jealous of you… And intimidated… And maybe crushing on you a little as well.“ He took a deep breath to steady his nerves.  "I know you have no reason to believe me… So let me show you.”

“Fine.” Keith responded, and Lance took the leap.

He gently leant forward, and kissed Keith on the lips.  It was probably a minute later…  Though it could’ve been longer or shorter for what Lance knew… That he pulled back.  His pulse was racing, and his head suddenly felt cocooned with endorphins and dopamine.  The kiss was brief, but felt great… And he hoped that it wouldn’t be the last they shared.

He studied Keith’s response, at the moment he looked a little lost in how to process things.  Seems it had left an impression.

After a spell, Keith quietly asked: “Why me?”

“I’m still figuring a lot of it out…” Lance responded with his signature half-smile.  "Maybe it’s because you’re brave, that you would… And have tried to sacrifice yourself to save the rest of the team.  That there’s this soft side to you that you used to keep hidden away, but you’ve started showing to the rest of us.  Then there’s the fact that you’re this amazing ninja with a sword, and you even have the suit to match.“

Keith was starting to look diffident.

"And you know what I said when we were stuck in that really weird gameshow?  About you being the future?  I meant it… I mean, who better to help us achieve peace with what’s left of the Galra than the half-human/half-Galra Paladin of Voltron?  And it doesn’t hurt that you’re pretty handsome… Even though you don’t seem to know it…”

“Even with my… 'mullet’?”

Lance took a tentative step forward.  "Even with that.“  He moved another step closer.  "And it’s kinda cute how shy you get when someone pays you a compliment…”

He was now stood just outside of Keith’s bubble of personal space.  "And for some reason, your lips felt so soft despite the fact I can see they’re dry and chapped.“

They hung there, caught in each other’s gravity.

"You don’t even know if I’m gay.” Keith pointed out.

“You could be bi.” Lance smirked.  "I know I’m taking a giant leap here… But… I don’t want to wait any longer to tell you how I feel.  I don’t want to deny it anymore.“

The Red Paladin digested what he’d heard.

"You love me?”

Lance nodded hesitantly.  "I think I do, I’m _sure_ I do.“

"What if you realize at some point later that it’s just a crush?”

“If it’s just a crush then…” His blue eyes widened.  "Wait, you kinda suggested we could end up together?“

"Answer the question, Lance.”

Lance huffed.  " _If_ it’s a crush… Then we’ll deal with it.  Isn’t that the point of asking someone out?  We give it a try and see if it works?“

Keith shrugged.  "You tell me… _'Loverboy’_ … I’ve never asked anyone out, I’ve never been asked out.”

A sudden sadness enveloped Lance.  "That isn’t fair.“

Keith shrugged.  "The universe isn’t fair, I got used to it.  I grew up without my Mom, my dad died when I was a kid, I lost Shiro and I got kicked out of the Garrison.” He then gave a breathy laugh. “And now?  I’ve got my Mom back, I got to see the amazing guy my Dad was.  I found Shiro… _Three_ times, I’m a Paladin of Voltron and I’ve got friends who make up this weird space family… And to top it off I’ve got this insufferable guy I met at the Garrison asking me out.”

“Insufferable, _but_ appealing.” Lance grinned hopefully.

Keith rolled his eyes, but there was exasperated amusement in his voice.  "I guess so.“

"I think I’m in love with you, but I’m cool with taking it slow.  Will you go out with me?”

Keith considered the request.  "I will, if you remember this.“ He closed the gap between them, grasped Lance by the lapel of his olive-coloured jacket and kissed the Blue Paladin on the lips.

It was impatient, fiery and intoxicating, just like Keith.  It was also a little sloppy as well, but Lance was happy to help him with that.

They drew apart.  Keith’s hand still clung to Lance’s coat.  "You… Hit my heart… Sharpshooter.”

A surge of something happy tingled through him, Keith saying something romantic was new territory.  "You stole it first, Samurai.“


End file.
